I’m giving myself permission to feel what I’m feeling. I’m not trying to avoid it. I’m not feeling guilty about it. I’m just feeling it.
It’s not sadness, but it’s not joy. It’s not numbness, but it’s still. Very still.
And I’m crying a lot. Usually at anything related to children. Photos of children, children at the beach, movies of my son. They make me cry because they’re simply so beautiful.
This pregnancy is making me feel sore overnight, nauseous in the morning and tired in the afternoons. These physical things are impacting my emotional health.
I noticed the nausea makes me feel anxious, or increases my anxiety. In my attempts to be more mindful, I’m observing the physical impacts of my emotions and I’ve been noticing that anxiety sits as a painful knot in my stomach and makes me curl my toes. The knot in my stomach is very similar to pregnancy nausea, which is why I feel more anxious even though I’m probably not.
My emotions (anxiety) impacts my physical (knot in stomach / curl of toes) and my physical (pregnancy nausea) impacts my emotions (makes me feel more anxious).