I went to my psychologist yesterday with a clear question: how can I get my old self back?
Two years ago I was happy, energetic and positive about everything. I brought joy to those around me and was a burden to none. I told my therapist that I needed a plan to get that girl back.
As usual, she told me what I didn’t want to hear.
‘You can’t. That girl is gone.’
I instantly felt angry. How could she say that? Surely if I committed myself to it I could become that girl again. Surely! My therapist continued:
‘The girl from two years ago was naive. She didn’t know about pain and hurt. The person you are now is wiser, stronger and even more lovely than that girl.”
Even more lovely?
I wanted to disregard this statement right away. I’m not lovely: I’m tired, sad and boring. I am a shadow of my former self. Could this person I am today actually be classed as… lovely?
After our session I went for a drive. I thought over what she’d said about being wiser and less naive. It began to change my mind-set.
I need to stop looking to the past and stop being envious of that time. I need to start looking to how my future self – the one with the pain and hurt – can be just as lovely as that girl from the past.